Originally published as Episode 7 of the Playful Art and Heart Podcast

There's a box somewhere in my parents' house filled with glossy brochures from art schools I never attended.

I was seventeen when I requested those packets—back when colleges would mail you thick envelopes full of course catalogs and campus photos. I'd spend hours poring over them, reading every program description, imagining myself in those studios, dreaming about what could be.

But I knew—even as I collected them—that I would never go.

My Art Journaling Journey Began at 18

The summer before college, I wasn't excited. I wasn't nervous. I was just... resigned.

I'd been accepted to a university I felt "just okay" about. I was going to study something "practical" because that's what I'd been told my entire life: Art can't make you money. You need a real career. Be realistic.

So I did what any heartbroken teenager would do: I art journaled my feelings away.

I didn't even know it was called "art journaling" back then. I just had a sketchbook, a pile of YM and J-14 magazines (yes, I'm dating myself here), and a desperate need to express everything I was feeling. I'd cut and collage, draw and write, print out photos from TV shows I loved, and create pages that captured the bittersweet ache of knowing I was about to walk away from what I truly wanted.

Those pages were my therapy. My rebellion. My secret promise to myself that even if I couldn't study art, I could still make art.

The Benefits of Art Journaling for Self Discovery: The 20-Year Gap

Fast forward through college, graduate school, a career in public service, marriage, and two kids.

I didn't stop being creative entirely—I doodled in notebook margins during meetings, kept planners I'd decorate, journaled with words. But that deep, soul-satisfying creative practice? It got buried under "life is too busy right now."

And here's what I know now that I didn't know then: Life will always be too busy if you don't prioritize what matters to you.

I told myself I'd get back to it "someday." When things calmed down. When I had more time. When life was less chaotic.

But surprise, surprise! Life never gets less chaotic. You just have to decide what's worth making space for.

How Art Journaling Helped Me Rediscover Creativity: The Pandemic Wake-Up Call

Everything changed when my second baby was born, right as the pandemic hit.

With my first child, I didn't know what I was missing. But with my second, I knew exactly how fast time moves. I knew how fleeting those baby snuggles are. I knew I'd never get these moments back.

And every night after my maternity leave ended, I cried myself to sleep.

Even though I was working from home, I couldn't be present for my baby the way I wanted to be. I had meetings, deadlines, responsibilities. And this fierce maternal instinct rose up in me that said: This isn't right. I need to be here.

So we made the terrifying decision for me to leave my career and stay home with my kids.

When You Give Everything Away

Here's what no one tells you about staying home with children: It's the most fulfilling and the most depleting thing you'll ever do.

There are no sick days. No time off. No clocking out at 5 PM. It's 24/7, 365 days a year. And while I have zero regrets about giving my energy to my kids—they're amazing, and our relationship is everything—somewhere along the way, I started to wonder:

Is this all there is? Is this all I am now?

I knew I had more to give. More potential. More creativity bottled up inside me. But I'd been conditioned my whole life to believe that putting myself first was selfish. That being a "good woman" meant giving yourself away to everyone else.

And I was so, so tired.

The Return to Art Journaling

One day, I opened a sketchbook.

Not because I had a plan. Not because I thought it would change my life. Just because I needed to play again.

I gave myself permission to be messy. To not make "good art." To just process my feelings on paper.

And you know what I drew? The chaos of my daily life. Two kids having simultaneous meltdowns at the park. The exhaustion. The overwhelm. The big emotions that come with being responsible for tiny humans 24/7.

It wasn't pretty. But it was real. And it felt so good to get it out.

That's when I realized: I'd been art journaling at eighteen for the exact same reason I needed it at thirty-seven.

To process emotions. To know myself better. To remember that I'm more than just a caregiver, more than just practical, more than just what everyone else needs me to be.

The Irony of Coming Full Circle

Twenty years.

That's how long it took me to come back to the thing I knew I loved when I was seventeen.

And the irony isn't lost on me. That summer before college, I was furiously art journaling because I was sad about not pursuing art. Now, at thirty-seven (turning thirty-eight next week!), I'm building an entire business around helping other women reconnect with their creativity through art journaling.

If I could go back and tell my eighteen-year-old self anything, it would be this:

"I know it feels like you're giving up on your dreams. But twenty years from now, you're going to come back to this. And when you do, you'll understand that every detour, every 'practical' choice, every moment of feeling lost—it was all leading you here. To this work. To these women. To this community you're about to build."

What I've Learned About Putting Yourself First

The biggest lesson from my journey? Putting yourself first isn't selfish—it's essential.

When I take care of myself, when I prioritize my creativity, when I set boundaries and say "what about me?"—everyone around me benefits. My kids get a happier, more present mom. My husband gets a more fulfilled partner. My community gets the best version of me.

But when I'm running on empty, giving everything away, ignoring my own needs? Everyone suffers. Including me.

It took me years of personal development work, reading, art journaling, and deep self-reflection to truly believe this. To give myself permission to matter. To stop waiting for someone else to tell me it's okay to prioritize my own dreams.

Art and Heart Club: Building the Community I Needed & Starting Your Own Art Journaling Journey

This journey led me to create something I wish I'd had during my darkest, most overwhelmed moments: Art and Heart Club.

It's a creative sanctuary and heart-led community for women who are ready to:

• ✨ Reconnect with themselves through playful art journaling

• ✨ Build authentic connections with other creative women

• ✨ Practice unapologetic self-expression (no art skills required)

• ✨ Prioritize themselves without guilt or apology

Inside the club, I'll guide you through:

• The Art of Self-Discovery – Art journaling prompts to help you understand who you really are

• The Art of Self-Expression – Activities to help you communicate your authentic self

• The Art of Self-Trust – Practices to help you believe in yourself and your creative instincts

We'll journal together, hop on calls, make art, and build the kind of community where you can show up exactly as you are—messy, overwhelmed, creative, and beautifully human.

A Personal Note (And Why I Almost Didn't Share This)

I need to be honest with you: I recorded the podcast episode for this post two months ago. And I almost didn't publish it.

It felt too personal. Too vulnerable. Too much.

But then I realized: If I want to reach the women who need this message—the ones who've been putting everyone else first, who've buried their creative dreams, who think it's too late—I have to show up fully. Messy parts and all.

So here I am. Turning thirty-eight next week. Launching the Founder's Offer for the Art and Heart Club. Putting myself out there in a way that terrifies me.

Because I know there's someone reading this who needs to hear it.

Your Turn: What Did Your Younger Self Know?

I want to ask you the same question I've been asking myself:

What did your younger self know that you've been ignoring?

What creative dream did you abandon because it wasn't "practical"? What part of yourself have you been putting on hold until "someday"?

And what would it look like to come back to that now—not as the person you were, but as the person you've become?

Listen to the Full Episode

This blog post only scratches the surface of the full story. In the podcast episode, I share more about:

• - The specific moment I decided to leave my career

• - How art journaling helped me process mom guilt and overwhelm

• - The exact practices I use for self-discovery through creativity

• - Why community is essential for this work

• 🎧 Listen to the full episode here

Join the Art and Heart Club

The Founder's Offer is now open!

If you're ready to reconnect with yourself, prioritize your creativity, and join a community of women who truly get it, I'd love to have you.

Join the Club Today!

Let's Connect

I'd love to hear your story. What resonated with you in this post? What creative dreams are you ready to reclaim?

Leave a comment below and join my newsletter.

Remember: It's never too late to listen to what your younger self knew. Your creativity matters. You matter.